Life

Well long time no write. So much has been goin' on in my life. Who would think that almost 38, being married for 15 years, and having children that 14 and 12 you would be so up in the air about your life. But I am.
My job. I love my job most days and I love most of the people I work with. Some days only having those people in my life has kept me from completely shutting down. They are truly my family. Not all of them, but a good handful. A good handful really care about me, and I them. That's not something everyone finds on the job. I'm blessed. I have wanted to throw in the towel more than once and they have been there to support me and tell me that's not the right path...
The dogs. I hardly have time anymore. I'm very uneasy and on edge about what to do in this area of my life. My feelings towards them has not at all changed, but the reality of working full time, plans of school and assistant mgr training for work, along with the the fact that we are living in a house that needs our every dollar and every available free moment... with a truly heavy heart I think I have to give up training and trialing. It's the only give in the equation of not having enough time. It's breaking my heart to see several of my die hard working dogs just hangin' out. But at the same time it would break my heart to let them go... I suddenly find myself at a very different place than just a year ago. I can no longer stand to live in a house so tore apart with no progress being made and I can no longer let myself completely depend on someone else to make all of the money and all the important decisions. What that will lead to in August when Ben returns I don't know.
Growth doesn't always come easy and that's what I'm clinging to right now....