What's it all for?

Some days that's a harder question than others to answer. I'm feeling very "revamped" and I'm ready to get our slip sliding household back on track- in numerous ways. First off this house is going to basically be "gutted" of crap and clutter. I said to myself this afternoon I wish I could just pick up the house, tilt it on it's side so everything fell out, and "start over"! I'm determined to go thru room by room and get rid of anything that appears remotely useless. We have become collectors of stuff we don't really need, but for some reason are afraid to part with. I can no longer keep up with that much... well, shit! It's too much for one person and the 3 people I live with refuse to help me on a regular basis, so I need to make it so I can manage it alone! See no one here grew up with their mom working 40 hours a week nor did Ben have a 40 hr/wk wife- that's new, but the habits are old, and we all know how bad habits are... So that's step one.

Step two is taking a more assertive role with the money. I've come to the conclusion that we are both terrible and we need to work extremely hard for the next few years to get our debts paid off. We were "just" surviving without my paycheck in March, now in Nov. we are "just" surviving with my paycheck...hmmm... funny how that works right?? To my knowledge not much extra has been applied to debt since I started working. Ben did use 90% of his bonus to nearly pay off one of the two brand new 4 wheelers (which he bought on credit before I even got my first check!! I'm still not really over that foolishness). My check has only been going into checking to be spent... My next check will go into savings. I'm telling Ben my next 3 paychecks are going into savings and we are to do whatever we have to to get by with only his paychecks. If after 6 weeks it's clear we can't make it, whatever we've been short will go into checking- but not a dime more. Once a month the money in savings will go towards paying something off. That's my plan and sticking to it. My next step is to cash it and hide in a jar in the woods! LOL! It is afterall my check, and if I want to use it to pay only debt, then I think there should be zero argument about me claiming "my" money- it's not as though I'm saying it's "mine" so if I want to buy $100 jeans and $80 shoes I can... (we have never been a yours and mine marriage in regards to money). So serious debt paying down is step 2.

Step 3- The people in this house are going to start pitching in!! I cannot do 40 night-shift hours a week, the dogs, the other critters, the laundry, the dishes, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, and everything else that is required of me to keep 4 people straight! Minus going to school for the boys and going to work for Ben I am it!! It's killing me, and quite frankly you can tell I get zero help around here, and I am so over that! Now, they will all do projects or must do nows, but the the day to day maintenance- forget it!

Step 4- Keep inspired! Today I was inspired to start scaling down by the thought that it's really quite doable to become largely self sufficient. I ordered 2 books from booksamillion (from the bank account, not a card- yea for me- baby steps! LOL!) today. (I ordered two to get free shipping- it needed to be $25 or more and my order was $26.02!) One on small scale farming and one on self sufficient living- everything from vegetables to soap. Once I get the books I'm going to make a "in a year goal" in the sense of self sufficiency. I'd love to have the dogs back on a natural diet within a year (Cruz is the only one on it now) and not have to buy any vegetables next year, but I'm not sure if that's a doable first year- I know nothing about gardens- hence the book buying! I think I have also come to peace that the SE is now home. The thought of having a serious farm back in the mid-west makes me shiver... Not sure I'm tough enough anymore. I was looking at some places online today. Check this one out and take the virtual tour! OMG!!http://www.carolinafarms.com/ViewProperty.aspx?id=1501186&c=homes THIS is my home! With Ben being Chief and debt other than the house gone, this type of price range is very doable for us in 8 years. I wanna be a "poor farmer", self sufficient and content. I want to work hard on my own piece of land and simply make enough to continue to work hard on my own piece of land! I want to farm for real with cattle and sheep and have real work for my dogs, and probably never trial. I would love to host trials, I have visions of having a portion of the farm designed solely for herding trials, lessons, and clinics for both cattle and sheep. The above is my dream, and I think it's a very realistic dream, but only if Ben and I can get serious about this money hole we dug ourselves into- starting with our first set of furniture up until about a year ago we were dumb. Buy what we need and put the extra crap on a card... how stupid! :-( I hope we have been clear to our kids that is not the way to do it! Trust me they will get tired of hearing about it by the time they get that first credit card offer mailed to them!! Why do they do not teach kids about the true danger of credit debt in school? They should have a financial class from like 3rd grade on. Ben and I would be living high on the hog right now with both of us working if it weren't for the hundreds of dollars every 2 weeks that go out in credit bills!

Well, off it get some of my overhauling done!