staying positive this week. Not sure why, it's just been one of those week's I guess. I hate feeling like this and it never flies well here at home at all. Ben gets really bent out of shape when I'm pissy. So I try to not be pissy and then he badgers "what's wrong", "what's up with you", etc etc... To say he's less than understanding is an understatement. I guess he takes it all personal or something, I don't know. Yesterday evening it was cool enough to work dogs, but a friend who's really had a rough 2 years came over and needed to vent.... Poop. So I figured it'd be nice enough early this morning to get them all some work. Woke up at 6:30 to rain.... :-( (heavy rain). It's about tampered off now, but in all honesty maybe I'm not at all in the right frame of mind to work with them. Sometimes it helps me, and sometimes it makes it worse because my mood only "lets" me see everything that's going less then expected. Carol's already got a day full of people tomorrow, so no field work again for the dogs... sigh. Somedays I just wanna give up.... Probably no point in going to Breezy Hill next Sunday since it'll be a month or more since my dogs have been on any decent size field.... Plus I'm down to $225 and it would be $142 to take everybody for the day and I don't get paid till Thursday. I have 100# of dog food to buy before pay day and I need to get some straw for the kennels, and of course keep us fed... So I guess yet another trial is out the window. I'm beginning to think my dream is hopeless. Starting to think I should let myself be crushed and get on with leading a shell of person, robot life of work and house cleaning....
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